Robodad

I’m sorry, but I have to say I support the president in his push to expand executive power, even beyond the limits of the U.S. constitution, or what the liberals call “reason.”

I truly believe that the president is above the law in all respects. He should have the ability to search and eavesdrop without warrants, detain people, U.S. citizens or otherwise, without presenting reasonable cause, and to torture anyone he likes without limits, even if it is just because he is having a bad day.

Only in this way can the president of the United States (POTUS) properly protect us from our most dangerous enemy: WHALES.

Those whales have been thumbing their noses at us for millennia. Ever since they slunk back into the sea, they have been all “look at me, I’m better than you, I have flippers,” and “look at my nostrils, they are on top of my head”.

And its not just the arrogance. Whales have been responsible for some of the greatest catastrophes in human history.

Whales have been known to cause tsunamis with synchronized tail movements, killing millions of people. Also, whale farts, in addition to causing global warming, can cause warm air movements that can trigger hurricanes and cyclones. Again, killing numerous people.

And it seems that whales have some special vendetta against the United States of America. Perhaps because it is we are a beacon of freedom for the world. Or perhaps it is because we are the only world power posing a threat to their ocean empire.

It is a scientifically proven fact that whales were responsible for the twin towers attack. Look into it if you don’t believe me: the information is out there, but nobody but me seems to have put it all together.

I don’t have proof yet, but I believe whales were responsible for the flooding of New Orleans. NASA satellite images show a mass under the surface of the Gulf of Mexico at the time. But since the image is dominated and obscured by the hurricane’s clouds, I cannot prove this conclusively. I suspect they were hoping to pull a common whale trick: flood the coastal areas with synchronized flipper movements, then eat those unlucky souls who wash out to sea (yes, babies and all).

Who knows what else those assholes are planning. In any case, our course is clear. Only by granting unlimited power to the executive branch can we fight this greatest of threats to our freedom, our way of life, and even our very lives.